Porch

Just found a "flash-fiction" I wrote a few years ago:

The porch looked awful. The paint flaked to the ground like dead skin. Their red cups gave off a dull glow in the overcast light. They were playing ping-pong, or something. There was shit in the corner. It most likely belonged to the dog, Rufus.

Rufus had been eyeing the open Doritos bag on the steps all night. They better not let him eat any of it. Then he will just shit more. He imagined the porch covered in his powdery orange shit. It might be a nice touch. The ball bounced.

There were holes in the floorboards. Cigarette butts smoldered in them. The malt liquor bottle on the table was already full of butts. It was smoking, too. No, bottle, that’s a bad habit!

Rufus shook a smirking, fat fraternity brother’s hand and then laid down to stare at the Doritos some more. He didn’t like his owners. He imagined filling the holes with his fluorescent feces. A bulimic girl stepped on his tail while dancing. He wanted to shit on her.

Unemployment Blues

In the midst of the overwhelming underwhelm of unemployment these last couple months, I've succumbed to sitting in different places around my house (the table, the floor, the toilet, etc.) with a guitar in hand, writing songs about cannibalism... among other things. But more important than making music, is coming up with a cool band name. Right?

At first, I was just going to stick with the name of mine and Mr. O'Boyle's acoustic-metal-band-that-never-existed, Axe in a Cleavage P****. But, of course, that's much too vulgar for a yuppie white beta-male like myself. Plus, Dave had to ditch that name on X-Box live years ago (only to switch from axeinaclvgpssy to axeinjugalodix... win!).

I then thought of using the name of mine and Crashtian's band-that-sort-of-did-but-never-really-existed, Ric Sorensen and the Heavy Metal Redemption. But because that band WILL one day be playing sold-out shows at the 1st Bank Center for the arts in Broomfield, Colorado (hopefully opening for Death Cab for Cutie or Coldplay or some cool shit like that), I didn't want to confuse potential RSatHMR fans with a solo project. Ya dig?

So I shuffled between names like Dead Horse's Head Heaven (courtesy of cousin Ben 10 years ago), Nic Pancho and Kick-Dumb (courtesy of Cooper yesterday), Barcelona Pigeon Massacre, White Boy Plays Music for Dogs (or White Boy Dog Music), Hell's Kitchen's Oven (because that's hot... courtesy of Rudy), Dead Things, Shave My Stache' and the Hound Dog that Never Died, Nicolas Rage Cage, and a long list of others.

But when I finally settled on one I liked, Red Whale, I typed it into Google to see if anyone had it already. This is what happened:

Well at least they're good........ ?

This post is dedicated to Andy Dwyer of Mouse Rat.