The two craziest dudes I know

Hopefully Karl Lawrence is the first of many sponsors for my longtime boyfriend, David Cole. But, if you haven't seen it, peep the ad we made with Dave and the infamous Ric-man himself.

Shot at the Saint Helena Skatepark (which wouldn't exist if it weren't for my pops).

Wine-os have finally infiltrated the hell-firéd realm of skateboarding.

Surfing roads, homie!

A Modest Proposal

Since the beginning of time (roughly), it has been frowned upon for us males to leave the toilet seat up. And, after many arguments ending in fisticuffs (damn straight), not getting any, and sleepless nights, I have decided to publish my disapproval of this unspoken agreement between sexes and toilet seat preferences.

To start things off, the rule doesn't make any fucking sense.

I'm sure all of you have been in a public bathroom, needing to go number two (or one and two, ladies), seen a fair amount of splatter on the seat, and either:

a. cried, left, and held it

b. cried and sat down

c. hovered

or

d. folded about nine squares of tp and cleaned up some stranger's urine.

If it was common law to leave the seat up, our bathroom culture would bypass the hazards left by lazy males who are too stoned to lift up the seat and aim correctly. This would then leave the throne dry for all to sit upon.

Now, I know what you're thinking: "Well if the seat was always up, then women would have to touch the seat for both numbers one and two."

Here's my answer: Since the invention of indoor plumbing, men have been touching (or not touching) the undersides of seats grimy and gruesome, only to keep in line with the ridiculous unspoken toilet law of society.

If women were to adopt this new rule today, it would take hundreds of years for their seat-touching sacrifices to equal the historic numbers of man.

And, as a result, we would never have to mop up unfamiliar pee again.

(Unless, of course, your seat is down because your precious little dog prefers toilet brand water. If that's the case, I suppose we are screwed.)

Photo of Chris the dog courtesy of my girlfriend. Somehow got one of those! Right on!

In case y'all didn't catch it...

here is yet another video of mediocre skateboarding at its finest:

TCZ's 4 minute and 20 second Skateboarding Video from Dr. Tan Legs on Vimeo.

Inspiring Stay at Home Dads Across the Land

Well, folks, I am pleased to inform you that TCZ affiliated teams at the infamous event "trike night" have continued to murder the competition... sort of.

While no TCZer has yet claimed the gold (which, most likely, is some carnie prize ranging from edible panties to free tickets to Slightly Stoopid), we are proudly representing 4th, 3rd, and 2nd place medals. This only means that 1st place (coming, most likely, in the form of a Natty Light neon sign or a framed Animal House poster, *below) will belong to the TCZ in the very near future.

The most recent success was last night when Mr. Nice Guy (left) and Dr. Tan Legs (I) (performing under the alias' of Darrell Nasty and Chuck Daddy) teamed up to form Stay at Home Dads, a supergroup. And to underscore their time-trialed genius, they rode to Sheryl Crow's iconic ditty, "Leaving Las Vegas."

The duo cleaned up (and spilled) the competition to claim 2nd place, which is the best TCZ accomplishment as of yet.

While Crashtian and Weird Max's team, 666 420 Boobs, tempted the judges with an immensely clever name, their time just simply didn't cut it...

A snow-bro'd Crashtian (circa 2009) reacts via blow-job face to some chivos a confused Max (with Andriod Wheeloid shirt) must have received earlier in the evening.

Today's version of the Lende. He gets way more chicks!

And Max...

So, all in all, stay at home dads across America should take note of Mr. Nice Guy and Dr. Tan Legs' success at tricycle racing and dream of one day winning a whole 19 "Walkin' Around Bucks" (*the bills in the photo above). Thanks, Dark Horse. See you next tuesday.

Tan Legs out.

Bonerus

And, here, the infamous behind the scenes Barca vid:

TCZ LiB Bonerus from Dr. Tan Legs on Vimeo.

The Beginning of the End

I suppose I will begin this "revamping" of HELLAMARIA by posting videos that were posted on other blogs in my time away from HELLAMARIA (i.e. tempchillzone.blogspot.com R.I.P.). A lot of you have probably already seen it, but here lies the video I edited of our 5-month stay in Barcelona:

TCZ Lurking in Barcelona from Dr. Tan Legs on Vimeo.

Wu-Tang.

Revamp

Trying to switch things up a little, but couldn't quite part with the old drawing:

My Dad

So my family is currently wagon training east to see my graduation. And luckily my sister sent me a pic o' my Dad to alert me of their increasing proximity:

Ladies and Gentleman, I give you, Ric Henry, in full form... most likely at some sort of truck-stop restaurant. Never. Turn. Down. A. Margarita.